For my final project in this class, I chose to share a
belief that I have through the story of a very significant event in my life:
the day that one of my best friends committed suicide. Being an English major,
I found my creative voice through my writing, and I chose to write a story of
the day that I found out that she had passed away. For me, this presentation
was what I hoped to be a small homage to Sydney. It has been over three years
since the death of my friend, and I have come to find peace with her not being
here on this Earth, but reliving this experience and sharing it with all of my
classmates turned out to be more difficult than I thought it would be. When I
think of Sydney now, I don’t think of that horrible day it happened or the
sadness and unease that I felt at her funeral, or the months of recovery that
occurred afterwards. Rather, I think of the Sydney who made me laugh harder
than anyone I have ever known, who was honestly one of my truest friends during
a really awkward and hard time in our lives, and who will always be the first
real best friend I ever had. So reliving this horrible day in front of my classmates
may have been quite emotional, but it illustrated my belief that Heavenly
Father knows where to put us when He is preparing us for something hard. Other
than my home or the temple, I truly do believe that Disneyland is the happiest
place on earth for me. Disneyland is such a cliché, but what’s wrong with that?
I feel good there. I feel happy and childlike and some of my best memories have
been formed in this magical kingdom. So yes, I don’t think that it was a
coincidence that I happened to be in this happy place when I was delivered the
saddest news.
This
fireside chat was truly remarkable. It was so thrilling to see what my peers
and friends came up with and how they chose to illustrate their beliefs. I was
dumbfounded with the amount of talent that was in that room that night. Some of
the presentations were profound, others were hilariously entertaining, and
others were beautifully sentimental. The depth of passion that was displayed
that night was incredibly inspiring. It was such a free and comfortable space
to be in, which was really comforting to me, as I knew that my story would get
the best of me and that I would be extremely vulnerable and emotional. I hope
that my presentation had an impact on somebody, because everyone’s courage and
creativity had a major influence on me. Thank you to everyone for letting me be
a part of your soul for a brief moment.
HERE IS MY STORY
I believe that Disneyland is the
happiest place on earth, even in the darkest of times.
When
I was a senior in high school, my family and I went to Disneyland for a break
from reality. I am young at heart when it comes to Disney and everything about
this kingdom appeals to my senses: the aroma of the popcorn and cotton candy
carts, the blooming flowers and blossom trees, the rush of adventure that I
feel when entering new lands and time periods, and the air of magic that
constantly permeates the atmosphere. Disneyland has become a tangible place of
comfort for me because I know that my happiness is guaranteed.
To this day I
refuse to believe that it was simply a mere coincidence that one of my best
friends committed suicide while I was engulfed in this immortal world.
I remember
everything about this day like it has been branded into my memory. I was
blissfully waiting in line for Space Mountain when I was pulled from my
carefree realm into a harsh reality by a text from one of my good friends. This
boy didn’t know that I had been so close with Sydney, as Sydney and I hadn’t
seen each other in quite some time due to us attending different high schools,
so he can’t be blamed for his insensitive text casually telling me a girl named
Sydney Bruning had committed suicide.
After reading this text, my feet acted of their own accord and pulled
the rest of my body through the stream of parents and children eagerly waiting
in line for the ride. I could feel the arms of strangers brushing up against my
own lifeless body somewhat forcefully, as if they knew that I was in distress
and they wanted me to suffer. My mind was a haze, my mouth was dry, but my
senses were in a heightened state of frenzy. The synthetic smell of popcorn and
cotton candy had now begum to overwhelm my sense of smell and I began to feel
nauseous. This sickly sweet smell that I would normally welcome with open arms
came at me like a ton of bricks and wiped any pleasant memory I had of that
smell right out of my mind; Sydney’s perfume smelled like cotton candy.
I had tunnel
vision as I stumbled my way down the cobble stone streets; the only thing I
could see around me was my mother sitting underneath a cherry blossom tree,
looking at me as if I had grown a second head. She was my comfort and I knew I
had to keep it together until I was sitting next to her underneath that
blooming tree, rich in color and life. I envied that tree, as I knew that it
represented everything that Sydney no longer was.
Life went on
around me. A child laughed, siblings jokingly bantered… I could vaguely hear my
fathers’ voice as he yelled my name, wondering where I was escaping to in such
a rush. Families and couples and friends joyously carried on with their lives
with no awareness that my life had just been shattered. After all, Disneyland
is the happiest place on earth.
This day will
never be one that I wish to return to, however, I look back on this day with a
sense of reverence and a greater perspective on life. I still remember my
family spending the rest of that day at Disneyland trying to comfort me and
pull me from the dark place I had retreated into. Their love for me and their
attempts to keep me grounded by forcing me on rides and trying to get me to
experience Disneyland like I always had helped in more ways than even I
understand. It was no mere coincidence that I happened to be in this magical
world when I was delivered this terrible news. In some small way, this immortal
kingdom kept me closer to Sydney than I had ever been, and although I was
filled with darkness, the light and happiness that was all around me kept me
from falling apart at least for that one day. I believe that God knows where to
put us when he is preparing us for something hard. Disneyland became a tender
mercy to me that day, and it will forever remain a place for me and Sydney to
be near each other, despite our being worlds away.
I LOVE YOU, SYDNEY
